i am soo sorry for the delay guys and i hope it wont happen again, i personally hate when i read a blog and suddenly they take forever to post, but now i know how it feels because i am blogger, i realized it can be really hectic and stressful knowing people r counting on u, but anyway i dont want to exaggerate ;p
well, i hope u enjoy this post and that it would make up for the past 2 weeks i havent been posting, and i also wanted to say thank u for all the support and all my wonderful followers , i love u!
all my posts are for u guys, u inspire me to write and i thank u for that.
i also want to thank all the bloggers out there! ur awesome! u r the only people who really know how i feel when i write the first sentence of a chapter to the very last sentence, u guys really inspire me as well ...
sooo im gonna stop with the talking and let u start reading :D
Previously:
Me :" so .. umm ... barneyy .. where is zyad ? "
- i know where zyad was, he was right infront of me .. -
Barney/Zyad: " umm ... i dont know fay .. but he sure told me nice things about u .. "
Me: " really ? what did he say ? .. "
Barney/Zyad : " he said .. umm. .. ur a very, very pretty girl, umm very outgoing .. (zyad's voice) : very different "
- i stared at him, why did he say different in his own voice, he said it so .. i dont even know how, it took my heart away, and i know where it went ...
i came closer to him, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear .. -
Me: " thank u ... for everything"
Fay : "ok .. "
Me: "good"
- and that was that .. -
________________________________________________________________________________
Fay:
After the long car ride we got out of the taxi and he took me to he entrance, i didnt care what was going through his or my head, i just hugged him, i hugged him for saving me from my depression, for today, tomorrow, everyday he was with me and everyday hes going to be with me.
It wasnt long that i realized im in love with him, but i didnt realize i couldnt control myself towards him, and that needs to stop .. o.o
Me: " i love u barney"
- i said "i love u" in a more friend type of way because i couldn't bring myself to tell him that i REALLY did love him right this minute -
Zyad: "love u too Blushy washy "
Me : "see u .. "
Zyad: " tomorrow right after ur appointment no excuses ! "
- he said it really fast and left, not allowing me to protest of anything, thats zyad.. what he wants he gets .. -
--------------------------------------
Sunday June 16, 2011
Mom: " yalla goomay fay 3endena maw3id ma3a il6abeeb "
Me: " inzain 5al abadel "
Mom: "yall 7abeebty, roo7ay ghaslay wayich "
- my family was staying strong for me, they realized that acting they way they acted yesterday and the past few days made me feel awkward, so now they're finally being themselves and acting "normal", i hope it stays that way .. -
Me: " im ready ! lets go! "
- they looked at me like im some alien for being so excited and happy , but then adjusted and smiled -
Dad: " yalla :D "
- we ate bagels while walking on the bridge to the hospital, i wont lie, im nervous .. but do u blame me? theyre giving me a piece of paper that says if i have cancer of not .. -
Mom : "galaw esemna "
- they said our names and we stood up, made our way to the doctor's room and sat down again waiting for the doctor -
Mom: " bismalla "
- my mom and dad were reading the Quran while waiting, making me feel more nervous , but i, as well started to pray -
Doctor: "hello .. can i come in ? "
- theyre so polite here, we're in his room and hes asking if HE can come in .. -
Dad: "yea sure "
Doctor: " well, umm the results say that ... fay does have brain cancer, its not rare, hopefully it can be treated .. "
- i just stood still, face emotionless, brain locked, ears half open, and eyes somewhere else .. im not surprised, im just .. tired i guess .. tired of thinking maybe? i just kept quiet not knowing what to say, not glancing at anyone of my family members, not wanting to see their over-depressed faces -
Mom: "so whats the treatment doctor? "
Doctor: " fay has stage 3 of brain cancer, it does involve chemotherapy, but not a very long period of time, it depends on the stage, so probably .. 8 months of chemo, and one month of radiation to make sure the cancer is gone for good .. "
Me: "what if it doesn't go ? "
- i surprised myself for saying those words, but i wanted to know -
Doctor : " we'll try... but ur the one who decides if u want to be strong or not fay, ur gonna be ur own hero from now on .. "
- hero? -
Doctor: " well, thats it for the treatment, the surgery is after 2 days, please dont eat anything heavy before 24 hrs of the surgery, and thats it for me , any question or concerns ? "
Dad: " no thank u doctor .. "
Mom : " il7emdilla 3ala kel 7al .. iste8feralla il3atheem .. "
- i just looked a her sobbing face and listened to her prayers, not saying or doing anything ... i didnt want to be in this room anymore .. i was getting suffocated, i texted Zyad to tell him im done, he said hes gonna be at the hotel in 5 -
Me: " ana baroo7 weya rab3ey .. "
Mom : "il7een ?! mako 6al3a lazim teg3deen weyana ! "
Dad: " la2! 5aleeha testanes, shnu tabeenha itswe ihne .. 5aleeha itroo7 itlahe roo7ha, take care 7abeebty oo lat tet2a5erane ok ? "
Me: "inshalla "
- and with that i left -
Zyad: " soo .. what happened "
Me : " .. nothin really .. "
Zyad: " what do mean ? "
Me : " im thinking of shaving my head ... my surgery is in 2 days .. and i could use my hair for charity beside it going to waste .. "
- he looked at me, he was trying to sink in what i just said, i didnt want to come right at him and say "hey zyad i have cancer", thats not me, i like just playing along acting like nothing happened -
Zyad : " i have the best salon "
- great, hes playing along, i love it when he gets me -
Me: " :) "
- we went to a near salon , it looked cute, polka dots everywhere, even the name was polka dots ! i could smell the scent of shampoo and the sound of blow dryers from the outside -
Me : "dont we need an appointment ? "
Zyad: " ur in Houston, oh and ur shaving ur head not going to a party "
Me: "shut up "
- we went inside, told them what i wanted and we were seated in a matter of seconds -
Hair stylist : " hey y'all , my name is Abby and ill be do'in who's hair ? "
Me : " me "
Abby :" so what do u want honey ? "
Me: "i want to shave my head and give it to charity .. "
Abby: "oh ur lucky, we just received our own hair charity box just yesterday ! "
Zyad: "i want to shave my head too "
Me: " u dont have to do that .. "
Zyad: "i want to .. so we can be twins! "
- i looked at him, he talked like he was a child and i laughed at that, why would he do that for me .. i mean i know its just hair, but why hes doing it just made me think to myself what a white-hearted guy he was .. behind all that craziness , deep inside hes just an ordinary, kind guy -
Abby : "wow! we have a lot of donors ! "
- we were only 2 but her enthusiasm made me smile ... at the same time, i took my hand out of my hoody pocket and held Zyad's hand, he was holding the arm chair while sitting next to me, so i didnt need to move, i really needed a hand to hold -
Zyad *whispering to me* : " im right here "
Me: "i know .. "
- when she started i closed my eyes, i didnt wan to see myself until the end, i wanted to see exactly how i looked like .. after she finished i opened one eye, and then the other ... i didnt recognize who i was... i was looking straight at my reflection thinking i was a stranger to myself ... i looked so .. i dont know .. bare and light headed, i looked around and at the hair covered floor not saying a word.. -
Abby : "u look great "
Zyad: " best transformation ! "
- i laughed, i actually laughed, i didnt know what to say, i felt like all the word that were saved in my head disappeared ...
i was just stunned , i was afraid of touching my head, and i didnt know why .. but when my hands felt the really tiny hairs on my head, it traveled all around my scalp, but then i noticed a little hair patch at the end of my head, i turned around slightly to find a heart at the lowed part if my head, she didnt shave the heart alot so it can be really visible, i thought it looked beautiful -
Me: "thank u "
Abby : "it was my pleaser darlin, my pleasure .. "
Zyad: " my turn!! and i want a star! "
- i swear this boy is crazy! no words can describe how hes a complete maniac! but i love him, every piece of him, from his wild side and his sensitive quiet side, which i havent seen that much of, but still i loved it .. -
Abby: "ready ?"
Zyad: " yup!!! "
- when we were done we thanked Abby again and were on our way to the cake shop, Abby said she'll e-mail me a pic of the wig made up of my hair so i could see how it would look like which was nice .. -
Me:" i feel so bare and light headed"
Zyad: " me too! its been a long time since i shaved my hair .. "
Me: " the feeling is so weird "
Zyad: " fay? "
Me: " hmm "
Zyad: " do u wan to meet my dad ? "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And thats it for today guys! Join us next time ... just kidding!
ok so this is the 11th chapter and im not that excited about this one, but ill see what happens!
Hopefully the next chapter will be better !
>> @epiphany88
>> ask.fm/epiphany88
well, i hope u enjoy this post and that it would make up for the past 2 weeks i havent been posting, and i also wanted to say thank u for all the support and all my wonderful followers , i love u!
all my posts are for u guys, u inspire me to write and i thank u for that.
i also want to thank all the bloggers out there! ur awesome! u r the only people who really know how i feel when i write the first sentence of a chapter to the very last sentence, u guys really inspire me as well ...
sooo im gonna stop with the talking and let u start reading :D
Previously:
Me :" so .. umm ... barneyy .. where is zyad ? "
- i know where zyad was, he was right infront of me .. -
Barney/Zyad: " umm ... i dont know fay .. but he sure told me nice things about u .. "
Me: " really ? what did he say ? .. "
Barney/Zyad : " he said .. umm. .. ur a very, very pretty girl, umm very outgoing .. (zyad's voice) : very different "
- i stared at him, why did he say different in his own voice, he said it so .. i dont even know how, it took my heart away, and i know where it went ...
i came closer to him, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear .. -
Me: " thank u ... for everything"
________________________________________________________________________________
Zyad:
When fay kissed my cheek .. or my barney cheek, i felt a vibe between us, i felt something so real but un-explanatory at the same time, i know its ludicrous but when shes near me i get a little dizzy for some reason. All the things we have been doing together r making us closer and closer, and its getting harder and harder not to love her more, i have to control myself but i cant, i promised myself i wont be the person i was before. But that got me thinking ... when i was younger or when i was an idiot i did those things because i wanted to fit in, because i just didnt have my mind screwed up straight. But now, im wiser and i know whats right and whats wrong, and i sure as hell know that i wont do the same mistakes i did before. I like .. scratch that, love fay, but how can i tell her and make her believe me at the same time?
Fine, ill prove it to her, maybe shell understand that i love her, also if i dont tell her shell know, right?
When i first saw her here, i was surprised, she looked fine. i thought she came here for her mother, father, grandparents maybe, but when i knew she came here for her, i then realized that anything can happen to anyone, she was a breath-taking girl, full of hidden spirit in her, she didnt seem like she was sick, but who knows what God can do to a person ..
I wanted her to have the time of her life before she got the results, i didnt want her to worry so early, so i made her a list of everything she wanted to do, just like what i would want someone to do to me ..
_________
- When we finished from the NASA base and finished the last wish on the list, we decided to go home since its getting late, i saw her face when she saw the time, it got gloomier and gloomier .. -
I took off the itchy costume, still star-strucked by her kiss, i know i was wearing a mask but still ..
Me: " so .. it was a loooong day huh? "
Fay : "it was an amazing day .. u out did urself "
Me : "testahlaine "
- she turned a bit pink, i new she got shy but i didnt want to embarrass her like i did yesterday, so i just grinned at her and gave her one of my earphones -
Fay: " Im gonna get my results tomorrow .."
Me: " its gonna be ok .. "
Fay: "is it? "
Me : "u never know "
Fay: "i wont allow myself to be scared or sad .. "
Me: " why be scared? .. its not the end of the world, u know that right? "
Fay: " yea, it isnt the end of the world ... I'm going to kill this "
Me: " u r .. "
Fay: " promise me something ?.. "
Me: " anything "
Fay: "if anything happens dont force urself to stay .. if u cant handle it .. "
Me :" dont even say it, dont think it even! its not that ive seen it before but i wont leave ur side no matter what happens whether u like it or not , understood .. "
Fay : "yea but .. "
Me: "shhhhh, no more talking, silent music time "
- i changed the subject .. how could she think for a second that i would leave her side! i dont care what happens im always going to be by her side .. she is MY special girl, i wont let anything happen to her, i am going to help her face this -
Fine, ill prove it to her, maybe shell understand that i love her, also if i dont tell her shell know, right?
When i first saw her here, i was surprised, she looked fine. i thought she came here for her mother, father, grandparents maybe, but when i knew she came here for her, i then realized that anything can happen to anyone, she was a breath-taking girl, full of hidden spirit in her, she didnt seem like she was sick, but who knows what God can do to a person ..
I wanted her to have the time of her life before she got the results, i didnt want her to worry so early, so i made her a list of everything she wanted to do, just like what i would want someone to do to me ..
_________
- When we finished from the NASA base and finished the last wish on the list, we decided to go home since its getting late, i saw her face when she saw the time, it got gloomier and gloomier .. -
I took off the itchy costume, still star-strucked by her kiss, i know i was wearing a mask but still ..
Me: " so .. it was a loooong day huh? "
Fay : "it was an amazing day .. u out did urself "
Me : "testahlaine "
- she turned a bit pink, i new she got shy but i didnt want to embarrass her like i did yesterday, so i just grinned at her and gave her one of my earphones -
Fay: " Im gonna get my results tomorrow .."
Me: " its gonna be ok .. "
Fay: "is it? "
Me : "u never know "
Fay: "i wont allow myself to be scared or sad .. "
Me: " why be scared? .. its not the end of the world, u know that right? "
Fay: " yea, it isnt the end of the world ... I'm going to kill this "
Me: " u r .. "
Fay: " promise me something ?.. "
Me: " anything "
Fay: "if anything happens dont force urself to stay .. if u cant handle it .. "
Me :" dont even say it, dont think it even! its not that ive seen it before but i wont leave ur side no matter what happens whether u like it or not , understood .. "
Fay : "yea but .. "
Me: "shhhhh, no more talking, silent music time "
- i changed the subject .. how could she think for a second that i would leave her side! i dont care what happens im always going to be by her side .. she is MY special girl, i wont let anything happen to her, i am going to help her face this -
Fay : "ok .. "
Me: "good"
- and that was that .. -
________________________________________________________________________________
Fay:
After the long car ride we got out of the taxi and he took me to he entrance, i didnt care what was going through his or my head, i just hugged him, i hugged him for saving me from my depression, for today, tomorrow, everyday he was with me and everyday hes going to be with me.
It wasnt long that i realized im in love with him, but i didnt realize i couldnt control myself towards him, and that needs to stop .. o.o
Me: " i love u barney"
- i said "i love u" in a more friend type of way because i couldn't bring myself to tell him that i REALLY did love him right this minute -
Zyad: "love u too Blushy washy "
Me : "see u .. "
Zyad: " tomorrow right after ur appointment no excuses ! "
- he said it really fast and left, not allowing me to protest of anything, thats zyad.. what he wants he gets .. -
--------------------------------------
Sunday June 16, 2011
Mom: " yalla goomay fay 3endena maw3id ma3a il6abeeb "
Me: " inzain 5al abadel "
Mom: "yall 7abeebty, roo7ay ghaslay wayich "
- my family was staying strong for me, they realized that acting they way they acted yesterday and the past few days made me feel awkward, so now they're finally being themselves and acting "normal", i hope it stays that way .. -
Me: " im ready ! lets go! "
- they looked at me like im some alien for being so excited and happy , but then adjusted and smiled -
Dad: " yalla :D "
- we ate bagels while walking on the bridge to the hospital, i wont lie, im nervous .. but do u blame me? theyre giving me a piece of paper that says if i have cancer of not .. -
Mom : "galaw esemna "
- they said our names and we stood up, made our way to the doctor's room and sat down again waiting for the doctor -
Mom: " bismalla "
- my mom and dad were reading the Quran while waiting, making me feel more nervous , but i, as well started to pray -
Doctor: "hello .. can i come in ? "
- theyre so polite here, we're in his room and hes asking if HE can come in .. -
Dad: "yea sure "
Doctor: " well, umm the results say that ... fay does have brain cancer, its not rare, hopefully it can be treated .. "
- i just stood still, face emotionless, brain locked, ears half open, and eyes somewhere else .. im not surprised, im just .. tired i guess .. tired of thinking maybe? i just kept quiet not knowing what to say, not glancing at anyone of my family members, not wanting to see their over-depressed faces -
Mom: "so whats the treatment doctor? "
Doctor: " fay has stage 3 of brain cancer, it does involve chemotherapy, but not a very long period of time, it depends on the stage, so probably .. 8 months of chemo, and one month of radiation to make sure the cancer is gone for good .. "
Me: "what if it doesn't go ? "
- i surprised myself for saying those words, but i wanted to know -
Doctor : " we'll try... but ur the one who decides if u want to be strong or not fay, ur gonna be ur own hero from now on .. "
- hero? -
Doctor: " well, thats it for the treatment, the surgery is after 2 days, please dont eat anything heavy before 24 hrs of the surgery, and thats it for me , any question or concerns ? "
Dad: " no thank u doctor .. "
Mom : " il7emdilla 3ala kel 7al .. iste8feralla il3atheem .. "
- i just looked a her sobbing face and listened to her prayers, not saying or doing anything ... i didnt want to be in this room anymore .. i was getting suffocated, i texted Zyad to tell him im done, he said hes gonna be at the hotel in 5 -
Me: " ana baroo7 weya rab3ey .. "
Mom : "il7een ?! mako 6al3a lazim teg3deen weyana ! "
Dad: " la2! 5aleeha testanes, shnu tabeenha itswe ihne .. 5aleeha itroo7 itlahe roo7ha, take care 7abeebty oo lat tet2a5erane ok ? "
Me: "inshalla "
- and with that i left -
Zyad: " soo .. what happened "
Me : " .. nothin really .. "
Zyad: " what do mean ? "
Me : " im thinking of shaving my head ... my surgery is in 2 days .. and i could use my hair for charity beside it going to waste .. "
- he looked at me, he was trying to sink in what i just said, i didnt want to come right at him and say "hey zyad i have cancer", thats not me, i like just playing along acting like nothing happened -
Zyad : " i have the best salon "
- great, hes playing along, i love it when he gets me -
Me: " :) "
- we went to a near salon , it looked cute, polka dots everywhere, even the name was polka dots ! i could smell the scent of shampoo and the sound of blow dryers from the outside -
Me : "dont we need an appointment ? "
Zyad: " ur in Houston, oh and ur shaving ur head not going to a party "
Me: "shut up "
- we went inside, told them what i wanted and we were seated in a matter of seconds -
Hair stylist : " hey y'all , my name is Abby and ill be do'in who's hair ? "
Me : " me "
Abby :" so what do u want honey ? "
Me: "i want to shave my head and give it to charity .. "
Abby: "oh ur lucky, we just received our own hair charity box just yesterday ! "
Zyad: "i want to shave my head too "
Me: " u dont have to do that .. "
Zyad: "i want to .. so we can be twins! "
- i looked at him, he talked like he was a child and i laughed at that, why would he do that for me .. i mean i know its just hair, but why hes doing it just made me think to myself what a white-hearted guy he was .. behind all that craziness , deep inside hes just an ordinary, kind guy -
Abby : "wow! we have a lot of donors ! "
- we were only 2 but her enthusiasm made me smile ... at the same time, i took my hand out of my hoody pocket and held Zyad's hand, he was holding the arm chair while sitting next to me, so i didnt need to move, i really needed a hand to hold -
Zyad *whispering to me* : " im right here "
Me: "i know .. "
- when she started i closed my eyes, i didnt wan to see myself until the end, i wanted to see exactly how i looked like .. after she finished i opened one eye, and then the other ... i didnt recognize who i was... i was looking straight at my reflection thinking i was a stranger to myself ... i looked so .. i dont know .. bare and light headed, i looked around and at the hair covered floor not saying a word.. -
Abby : "u look great "
Zyad: " best transformation ! "
- i laughed, i actually laughed, i didnt know what to say, i felt like all the word that were saved in my head disappeared ...
i was just stunned , i was afraid of touching my head, and i didnt know why .. but when my hands felt the really tiny hairs on my head, it traveled all around my scalp, but then i noticed a little hair patch at the end of my head, i turned around slightly to find a heart at the lowed part if my head, she didnt shave the heart alot so it can be really visible, i thought it looked beautiful -
Me: "thank u "
Abby : "it was my pleaser darlin, my pleasure .. "
Zyad: " my turn!! and i want a star! "
- i swear this boy is crazy! no words can describe how hes a complete maniac! but i love him, every piece of him, from his wild side and his sensitive quiet side, which i havent seen that much of, but still i loved it .. -
Abby: "ready ?"
Zyad: " yup!!! "
- when we were done we thanked Abby again and were on our way to the cake shop, Abby said she'll e-mail me a pic of the wig made up of my hair so i could see how it would look like which was nice .. -
Me:" i feel so bare and light headed"
Zyad: " me too! its been a long time since i shaved my hair .. "
Me: " the feeling is so weird "
Zyad: " fay? "
Me: " hmm "
Zyad: " do u wan to meet my dad ? "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And thats it for today guys! Join us next time ... just kidding!
ok so this is the 11th chapter and im not that excited about this one, but ill see what happens!
Hopefully the next chapter will be better !
>> @epiphany88
>> ask.fm/epiphany88
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