Hello guys, well this is my second chapter and i wanted to thank u for all the support and for all the readers... So enjoys ;*
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U know when u want to believe in something thats not true.. Something about urself that u know u hate or when u don't agree with ur OWN actions but thinks its ok, yea, thats what i feel. all my life i have criticized people by their clothing, style, looks, family .. almost everybody thats not me ..
im not this popular girl everyone hates, I'm this popular girl who everyone should hate.
if those people knew what i say behind their backs, they will more than hate me, and I'm sure of it.
i always ask myself why i do that to people, but at the same time, i think to myself if they say the same negative things behind my back.. if they say that I'm a spoiled brat, and that I'm a self-centered b*tch. well, i don't blame them if they do, because its true.
i always believe that society made us that way, differentiating people, making them into groups.
you know, i care, i don't like talking to people behind their backs, but my friends do it, everybody does, why don't i? why would i hang out with people i was taught to look down to, my parents never taught me to do these kinds of things, i taught myself. Im the one who chose my actions, I'm old enough to know whats right and whats wrong, i just choose not to know.
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- Wednesday May 29, 2011 6:30 -
I heard footsteps on the other side of my room, seconds later i heard the door open and i knew it was my nanny wanting to wake me up for school. without even bothering for her to wake me up, i stood up and went to the bathroom, on my way i commanded my nanny to make me breakfast rudely, not a single thank u came out of my mouth, and she obeyed as usual.
i went to brush my teeth, took a shower, wore my uniform, and wore my cartier bracelet and earrings. i tied my hair, wore a little eyeliner to lighten my hazel eyes even more.
i went down stairs, and sat at the table with my family is silence.
my father tried to lighten the mood by cracking a few jokes, but other than my mom, no one showed any emotion. my sister ignore me and wasn't talking to me from the week old fight we had, i didn't care, i didnt want to talk to her as well.
u see my sister and i don't have the normal sisterly relationship. i mean she's my sister, but i would never say that i love her, that word doesn't come out my mouth, i feel like my tongue couldn't move every time they ask if i like my sister. she doesnt love me, thats what i feel, she doesn't give me any indication that she loves me, so why bother. i don't remember the last time we hugged... maybe never even. she's older than me in 9 years, and according to my father its "3aib" to disrespect her, also if she disrespects me. so i can't say anything to her, every negative comment she says to me i have to ignore, and then in the end i blow up, and we end up not talking to each other, so normal.
my parents, well they're parents. i love them to death, i just wish they see that. my mom is a house wife, she has a good heart, but hot-headed and easily annoyed, my dad well he's the joker, he wants everything to go smoothly, he hates drama, trys to get away from it too. when my sister and i fight he just doesn't do anything, to him its normal, every siblings fight. and i agree with him, i just want him to understand that our fights r all unnecessary and she just wants to fight, for the sake of fighting. but i just brush it off.
i ignored her comment and finished my breakfast, so i excused myself and headed for the door with my bag.
i listened to my iPod while texting my friends in the car, i picked up my friend form her house and we were off. i thought about my sister on the way, why can't i get her off my mind, i tell people i don't care about my sister's behavior toward me, but i do. when my sister says something nice to me, just once out of 100 days, i just get ecstatic, but one bad comment out of her mouth just shuts me down.. my mom says she wants me to be better than her in the future, not make the mistakes that she did.
my sister, well she was kind of bullied by her weight from 9th to 11th grade, and when she got thin in 12 and got popular, she forgot everything that was important. one mistake ruined her whole future, and she doesn't want me to end up like her.
It was the last year of high school, and so far my sister had the highest grades from all the students, she was an overachiever. But her popularity got the best of her and she was encouraged by some stupid students to steal the exam papers since she worked at the principals office sometimes because she was class president. unfortunately, she got caught, her valedictorian position was taken away, and her scholarship was taken away as well. she went to a normal college in kuwait, studying her butt off so she can be able to transfer to another college soon ....
i got out of the car when we reached the school and was heading to the gate. u see, i have 3 close friends. Saja the tall, beautiful class president type. Haya the bubbly, air-head. Jazi the two-faced, problem-maker type. i know "5osh" friends ha.. in here u don't know who's fake or not, who trust-worthy or not, thats why i taught myself to never, ever trust anyone, especially my ma9la7a friends.
my friends aren't actually friends, they are accessories, i know ull think that this is like some chick-flick movie, but its not. they r the type of friends that well .. r not friends, lets just keep it that way.
to tell u the truth i don't know how i got this way or how i became the person i am now, being mean and disrespectful, yet respected, it just happened to me, i was so lost that i made all the wrong decisions and now i can't go back, i know its not fair to the people around me, trust me i know. unfortunately, i make mistakes but i don't seem to learn from them.
as we were gossiping about some rumor i know thats not true, and as i watched haya say it to almost everybody around us, i saw some girl in my class called Maya come towards me.
Maya:" hi fay, ur headband 7lu min wain? "
Me: "adree, oo ome yabetly the headband, madre min wain" i said coldly, face emotionless.
Maya:" oh ok, thanks"
i heard Jazi whisper "zain sawaitay" when she left, and i smiled at her and winked ...
i know exactly where my headband was being sold, and i know i should've thanked her. but i just couldn't, I'm use to the mean, self-centered person i wasn't born to be, guilt and shame went threw my veins as i made my way to my class, but i can't do anything about it, because i know i won't ...
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so heres the second chapter guys!!! hope u enjoy it! and please please comment, i really love all the support and feedback. and if u have any questions please don't be afraid to ask >> www.ask.fm/epiphany88
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
U know when u want to believe in something thats not true.. Something about urself that u know u hate or when u don't agree with ur OWN actions but thinks its ok, yea, thats what i feel. all my life i have criticized people by their clothing, style, looks, family .. almost everybody thats not me ..
im not this popular girl everyone hates, I'm this popular girl who everyone should hate.
if those people knew what i say behind their backs, they will more than hate me, and I'm sure of it.
i always ask myself why i do that to people, but at the same time, i think to myself if they say the same negative things behind my back.. if they say that I'm a spoiled brat, and that I'm a self-centered b*tch. well, i don't blame them if they do, because its true.
i always believe that society made us that way, differentiating people, making them into groups.
you know, i care, i don't like talking to people behind their backs, but my friends do it, everybody does, why don't i? why would i hang out with people i was taught to look down to, my parents never taught me to do these kinds of things, i taught myself. Im the one who chose my actions, I'm old enough to know whats right and whats wrong, i just choose not to know.
_______________________
- Wednesday May 29, 2011 6:30 -
I heard footsteps on the other side of my room, seconds later i heard the door open and i knew it was my nanny wanting to wake me up for school. without even bothering for her to wake me up, i stood up and went to the bathroom, on my way i commanded my nanny to make me breakfast rudely, not a single thank u came out of my mouth, and she obeyed as usual.
i went to brush my teeth, took a shower, wore my uniform, and wore my cartier bracelet and earrings. i tied my hair, wore a little eyeliner to lighten my hazel eyes even more.
i went down stairs, and sat at the table with my family is silence.
my father tried to lighten the mood by cracking a few jokes, but other than my mom, no one showed any emotion. my sister ignore me and wasn't talking to me from the week old fight we had, i didn't care, i didnt want to talk to her as well.
u see my sister and i don't have the normal sisterly relationship. i mean she's my sister, but i would never say that i love her, that word doesn't come out my mouth, i feel like my tongue couldn't move every time they ask if i like my sister. she doesnt love me, thats what i feel, she doesn't give me any indication that she loves me, so why bother. i don't remember the last time we hugged... maybe never even. she's older than me in 9 years, and according to my father its "3aib" to disrespect her, also if she disrespects me. so i can't say anything to her, every negative comment she says to me i have to ignore, and then in the end i blow up, and we end up not talking to each other, so normal.
my parents, well they're parents. i love them to death, i just wish they see that. my mom is a house wife, she has a good heart, but hot-headed and easily annoyed, my dad well he's the joker, he wants everything to go smoothly, he hates drama, trys to get away from it too. when my sister and i fight he just doesn't do anything, to him its normal, every siblings fight. and i agree with him, i just want him to understand that our fights r all unnecessary and she just wants to fight, for the sake of fighting. but i just brush it off.
As we were eating :
My dad (to me) : "ha fay meta medristich it3a6el?"
Me:" june 10"
My mom: " ee ma buga shay inshalla :) "
Me:" ee "
My sister (Sarah) : " ee ma 9adigat 3al allah 5ale9et, 5an shoof ilshahada cham yayeba hal mara" she said it so coldly ..
yes, my sister is my mom, people say "it5af 3alay" oo she wants the best for me oo madre shnu, but all i want from her is a little sister love, something that shows me she's my sister. i haven't seen that yet, i sometime blame her for my rude behavior and self-centered attitude in school, and to people in general.
i listened to my iPod while texting my friends in the car, i picked up my friend form her house and we were off. i thought about my sister on the way, why can't i get her off my mind, i tell people i don't care about my sister's behavior toward me, but i do. when my sister says something nice to me, just once out of 100 days, i just get ecstatic, but one bad comment out of her mouth just shuts me down.. my mom says she wants me to be better than her in the future, not make the mistakes that she did.
my sister, well she was kind of bullied by her weight from 9th to 11th grade, and when she got thin in 12 and got popular, she forgot everything that was important. one mistake ruined her whole future, and she doesn't want me to end up like her.
It was the last year of high school, and so far my sister had the highest grades from all the students, she was an overachiever. But her popularity got the best of her and she was encouraged by some stupid students to steal the exam papers since she worked at the principals office sometimes because she was class president. unfortunately, she got caught, her valedictorian position was taken away, and her scholarship was taken away as well. she went to a normal college in kuwait, studying her butt off so she can be able to transfer to another college soon ....
i got out of the car when we reached the school and was heading to the gate. u see, i have 3 close friends. Saja the tall, beautiful class president type. Haya the bubbly, air-head. Jazi the two-faced, problem-maker type. i know "5osh" friends ha.. in here u don't know who's fake or not, who trust-worthy or not, thats why i taught myself to never, ever trust anyone, especially my ma9la7a friends.
my friends aren't actually friends, they are accessories, i know ull think that this is like some chick-flick movie, but its not. they r the type of friends that well .. r not friends, lets just keep it that way.
to tell u the truth i don't know how i got this way or how i became the person i am now, being mean and disrespectful, yet respected, it just happened to me, i was so lost that i made all the wrong decisions and now i can't go back, i know its not fair to the people around me, trust me i know. unfortunately, i make mistakes but i don't seem to learn from them.
as we were gossiping about some rumor i know thats not true, and as i watched haya say it to almost everybody around us, i saw some girl in my class called Maya come towards me.
Maya:" hi fay, ur headband 7lu min wain? "
Me: "adree, oo ome yabetly the headband, madre min wain" i said coldly, face emotionless.
Maya:" oh ok, thanks"
i heard Jazi whisper "zain sawaitay" when she left, and i smiled at her and winked ...
i know exactly where my headband was being sold, and i know i should've thanked her. but i just couldn't, I'm use to the mean, self-centered person i wasn't born to be, guilt and shame went threw my veins as i made my way to my class, but i can't do anything about it, because i know i won't ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so heres the second chapter guys!!! hope u enjoy it! and please please comment, i really love all the support and feedback. and if u have any questions please don't be afraid to ask >> www.ask.fm/epiphany88
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