( Wednesday May 29, 2011 2:45 pm )
i sat in the car on my way home from school, thinking of every single fake smile, or disgusted look i painted on my face today when i looked at someone. feeling pity for myself that i was this type of person. the type of person that can ruin ur whole day just by one glance, the person i promised myself i wouldn't be, i was a person who ruins peoples moods and days, i was the type of person people want to take revenge from, i know this because i wanted to do the same thing to some (bullies) i knew when i was younger, now im one of them ..
As i made my way through our house's front door, i saw my mom and sis taking off probably going to some restaurant or a spa day. my dad was at work of course, so i was on my own.
i went to my room told my nanny (lenda) to prepare some lunch for me while texting Haya.
Haya:" ha whats ur lunch?"
- (-.-) -
Me:" salad"
Haya:" Salad! r u serious?! we planned on doing a liquid diet together remember >:( "
- liquid diet .. yeah right, not planning on doing that stupid idea -
Me:" yeah well salad is mostly water, so technically I'm "eating" water "
Haya:" ohhhh ok :) "
- typical Haya, i think if i told her id jump off a bridge shed believe me .. -
i ended the chat, went downstairs, ate my pasta, and took a hot bath.
i started on my homework, checking my phone every once in a while.. then Jazi started texting me like crazy ..
Jazi:" UBAY UBAY FAY! Aboodi shefta ikelim ibneya ib starbucks ilyoum !!!! "
- "Aboodi" is one of Jazi's boyfriends, one of many. i know she was stalking him, I'm sure the poor guy wanted some coffee, and the girl he was talking was probably one of the filipino ladies working there -
Me:" how do u know he was taking to a girl, or that he was in starbucks? "
- i know the answer, but i wanted to hear what she had to say -
Jazi (3 min later) :" my friend was at starbucks and she told me "
- lies, lies, lies. but who am i to talk.. she just said "i saw him" , why the stupid answer... but its her life, who am i to judge -
Saja:" so, hows 3aziz?"
- yes 3aziz was my boyfriend, my fake boyfriend. i know what I'm doing was wrong, both ways. i don't have boyfriend - girlfriend stuff, I'm not saying that all of it is wrong, itha neyatkom 9afya fine do it, its ur life. but most people i know just do it for fun, not taking it seriously at all, and for me personally, i dont think its fun if the whole relationship is based with lies and doubt, a true relationship is based on patents, honesty and love.. -
Me:" hes ok, he .. um came over today .. "
- lie after lie after lie .. -
Jazi: " fay, i didn't want to tell u this but i saw him today at the jam3yia, fay i think he was talking to some girl and .. " (blah blah blah.. )
- do u even know how i showed them my so called boyfriend? of course u don't, I don't even remember myself .. i think i showed them a pic i took from google, and then made him a fake twitter or Facebook or something .. but, Jazi always remembers, every single detail, how we had our imaginary encounter, to our fake date .. i know beyond annoying, actually thats an understatement ..
Me: " oh ill talk to him, I'm sure its his sister or cuzin "
i ended the chat, i was surprisingly tired, either tired from exhaustion, or tired of all the lies I've been telling, or both. every lie that came out of me just makes me feel disgusted with myself, i don't care who I'm telling it to, its a lie, its wrong. yet, everything I'm doing lately is wrong ..
when i stood up from my chair, i felt dizzy all of a sudden, everything was turing.. when it stopped, everything was smeared together, i also felt my insides boiling all of a sudden as well, like i had a fever. i felt nauseous and heavy headed. i tried calling someone, i don't know what i said, i don't think i even said anything, i just thought i was. i stood there unbalanced, then out of now where i fell in this big black whole underneath me, falling and falling to god knows where .. probably hell ..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And thats the 3rd chapter everyone! hope u enjoy it and please please try to comment, i love feedback as i said before, and i really appreciate all the support I've been having .. any questions u can ask on my twitter or my ask account >> www.ask.fm/epiphany88
again, enjoy and tell me what u think ;**
- epiphany
i sat in the car on my way home from school, thinking of every single fake smile, or disgusted look i painted on my face today when i looked at someone. feeling pity for myself that i was this type of person. the type of person that can ruin ur whole day just by one glance, the person i promised myself i wouldn't be, i was a person who ruins peoples moods and days, i was the type of person people want to take revenge from, i know this because i wanted to do the same thing to some (bullies) i knew when i was younger, now im one of them ..
As i made my way through our house's front door, i saw my mom and sis taking off probably going to some restaurant or a spa day. my dad was at work of course, so i was on my own.
i went to my room told my nanny (lenda) to prepare some lunch for me while texting Haya.
Haya:" ha whats ur lunch?"
- (-.-) -
Me:" salad"
Haya:" Salad! r u serious?! we planned on doing a liquid diet together remember >:( "
- liquid diet .. yeah right, not planning on doing that stupid idea -
Me:" yeah well salad is mostly water, so technically I'm "eating" water "
Haya:" ohhhh ok :) "
- typical Haya, i think if i told her id jump off a bridge shed believe me .. -
i ended the chat, went downstairs, ate my pasta, and took a hot bath.
i started on my homework, checking my phone every once in a while.. then Jazi started texting me like crazy ..
Jazi:" UBAY UBAY FAY! Aboodi shefta ikelim ibneya ib starbucks ilyoum !!!! "
- "Aboodi" is one of Jazi's boyfriends, one of many. i know she was stalking him, I'm sure the poor guy wanted some coffee, and the girl he was talking was probably one of the filipino ladies working there -
Me:" how do u know he was taking to a girl, or that he was in starbucks? "
- i know the answer, but i wanted to hear what she had to say -
Jazi (3 min later) :" my friend was at starbucks and she told me "
- lies, lies, lies. but who am i to talk.. she just said "i saw him" , why the stupid answer... but its her life, who am i to judge -
Saja:" so, hows 3aziz?"
- yes 3aziz was my boyfriend, my fake boyfriend. i know what I'm doing was wrong, both ways. i don't have boyfriend - girlfriend stuff, I'm not saying that all of it is wrong, itha neyatkom 9afya fine do it, its ur life. but most people i know just do it for fun, not taking it seriously at all, and for me personally, i dont think its fun if the whole relationship is based with lies and doubt, a true relationship is based on patents, honesty and love.. -
Me:" hes ok, he .. um came over today .. "
- lie after lie after lie .. -
Jazi: " fay, i didn't want to tell u this but i saw him today at the jam3yia, fay i think he was talking to some girl and .. " (blah blah blah.. )
- do u even know how i showed them my so called boyfriend? of course u don't, I don't even remember myself .. i think i showed them a pic i took from google, and then made him a fake twitter or Facebook or something .. but, Jazi always remembers, every single detail, how we had our imaginary encounter, to our fake date .. i know beyond annoying, actually thats an understatement ..
Me: " oh ill talk to him, I'm sure its his sister or cuzin "
i ended the chat, i was surprisingly tired, either tired from exhaustion, or tired of all the lies I've been telling, or both. every lie that came out of me just makes me feel disgusted with myself, i don't care who I'm telling it to, its a lie, its wrong. yet, everything I'm doing lately is wrong ..
when i stood up from my chair, i felt dizzy all of a sudden, everything was turing.. when it stopped, everything was smeared together, i also felt my insides boiling all of a sudden as well, like i had a fever. i felt nauseous and heavy headed. i tried calling someone, i don't know what i said, i don't think i even said anything, i just thought i was. i stood there unbalanced, then out of now where i fell in this big black whole underneath me, falling and falling to god knows where .. probably hell ..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And thats the 3rd chapter everyone! hope u enjoy it and please please try to comment, i love feedback as i said before, and i really appreciate all the support I've been having .. any questions u can ask on my twitter or my ask account >> www.ask.fm/epiphany88
again, enjoy and tell me what u think ;**
- epiphany
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