Free Right

Hey guys! this post is something i call "free write", and thats when i express my feelings, say stuff that might not make sense, but u may relate to.
This post is very important to me in many reasons, one of them is that finally i got to express my feels and thoughts publicly, i finally got the courage to do it, and i am.

To tell u the truth, i dont know what im writing. I just felt something uncomfortable inside of me that i had to let out, so i took my charger, charged my laptop, and now im writing.

Hope u like this post, and its something u can relate to ...

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Today my fellow readers i want to "start" my post by talking about two subjects .. trust and honesty.
To me those are the most important things in the inter WORLD.
These two words are linked to each other, if ur honest, or "seem" honest people will trust u, right?
Now a days u dont know what those things lead u too, and that is so frustrating.
You just think to ur self, "is that person really trustworthy?", "is that person really worth telling him/her my secrets ?" "is he telling the TRUTH? "
 Sadly those question can not be answered at the moment.


I had a fair share of betrayals in my life, and im not that old, so there r more to come unfortunately, ive been manipulated, betrayed and heartbroken. By who u may ask ..
The people who made me taste those horrible three things are  my so called "friends".

Yes people, my friends..  and not just any friends, my close friends

Everyone has that best friend that is just like another sister or brother, and of course u may have ur arguments and differences, everyone has .. but what happens if those arguments go to a certain level where everything comes crashing down on U, and u feel those tiny pieces of ur heart scattered on the floor in front of u.
U feel that ur whole world is sinking before ur eyes, that nothing else matters. But let me tell u something, if u continue to mourn other these stupid things, ur life will not go on, trust me on that one.

I still tell myself that i dont care and "6af", but i know that i sure as hell care and those things cannot be ignored.
  I had friends who left me to be "friends" with other people, i had friends who used and manipulated me, and i had friends, or "a" friend that just stopped talking to me for no particular reason at all.

How did my heart handle all of this .. strength, patience and family .. without those i dont know where i would be by now ..

Im telling u right now that life isn't fair and certain people arnt fair either, i just wish those people had a sign on there foreheads written " u can't trust me", or " u'd better not be friends with me, im not worth it", or even better, them going to hell .

Im sorry if i seem harsh or if ioffended any one, but by writing this post, i can actually sleep now and not suffocate on my loaded heart, and maybe relax for a while . 

Chapter 12

We were in the taxi, me holding a plastic box containing Zyad's dad favorite chocolate cake. I insisted on brining him something since its the first time for me to actually meet him, other than hearing about him from Zyad. I instantly said yes after he asked me if i wanted to meet his dad.
Other than i wanted to know more about Zyad, and meet the people that raised him, and the environment he was raised in, i wanted to actually seen his dad in person, i wanted to know what really went threw his head when he found out he had cancer, what he thought, what was running threw his head, was he scared? what did he feel when he had to tell his teenage son he had a life threatening illness? it was hard enough for me to see my family's face when they found out i had cancer, but Zyad's dad was a grown, mature father, he was the leader of his family, how did he feel when he had to tell his family that their back bone, their leader will need there strength other than his own ...
He must have been a real soldier, a real MAN for him to be in this position and still lead his family, still have the responsibility he had before .

My thoughts were cut when i heard zyad say we were close behind ..

Zyad:" i really dont know why i asked if u wanted to meet my dad, i mean if u dont want to meet him its fine, i dont mind ... "

Me: " no, i want to meet him .. why are u having second thoughts?"

Zyad:" i mean at first, i thought u might want to i dont know ... maybe u wanted to ... "

Me:" i do want to ... i want to meet him, i want to see the family my best friend was raised in, do u have a problem with that, zyad ?"

Zyad:" no ... i don't i guess .. "

Me: " good"

- we arrived to a small house 3 minutes from the hospital, it was in a cozy neighborhood, the streets were shaded by beautiful, tall trees that made the whole street look magical. -

Zyad:" yalla, lets go "

- i began to get nervous, what if he didnt want to see anyone, what if i intrude.. maybe hes tired, oh my god this is a bad idea .. -

Me: " Zyad?  "

Zyad: " hmm "

Me : " yemkin ma yeby iste8bil a7ad il7een, maybe hes tired "

Zyad: " la 3ady, he didnt have a radiation appointment today, hes ok "

Me:  " ok .. "

- i was getting hesitant, what the hell did i do .. we went inside by Zyad's spare key and made our way to a hall, the house smelled like fresh lavender and coziness, it smells like a home, a comfy home ... -

- we reached the end of the hall and to my left there was a beautiful kitchen, lighted by the sun rays coming out from the window in front if it, and a middle length dining table with fresh lavender onto of it. In my right, there was a living room with soft, welcoming couches and a plasma TV in the corner, the curtain were pulled back letting the sunlight light this room as well. the place was so peaceful, at that point i felt comfortable.

: "ilsalam 3alaikom"

- i turned around to see a women in her early 40s looking at me with beautiful hazel eyes. i guessed she was Zyad's mom, she was simply beautiful, by her enchanting looks, and her friendly face. other than the house which im pretty sure she decorated, she was welcoming too.

Me : " wa 3alikom ilsalam "

Zyads Mom: " intay refeejat zyad, fay 9a7 ? "

Me : "ee"

Z's mom:  "ahlan, ahlan! shereftay ilbate! shlonich 7abeebty, sha5barich, shlone il2ahal?  "

- ummm, i really dont know exactly what i said back, but i think i answered her questions correctly because she led us to the living room after wards and started chatting with me like she knew me for years -

5alty " z's mom" : ee walla zyad kan shnu shai6aaan! ma gedarna 3alay! "

- zyad gave his mom a look -

Zyad:  "ummmaaa, 3ad la tef'3e7eena chethi "

5alty:  "oo 3ad bedaina neste7y"

- i began to laugh at how silly they were with each other, and at the same time i started to get a little jealous, i never had this bond with any of my family members like zyad and his mom had, but i also blame myself, i never gave anyone a chance, especially my mom -

5alty:  "tara buzyad il7een ibyenzil "

Me : "la 5alty ma nebi inte3ba"

5alty: " la walaw, ohwa yaby yenzil a9lan, yeby ishoof ilbent ily zyad ma yegdar i9ek 7elja men kether ma yemd7ha "

- and she winked at me, oh my god i started to blush, i think zyad blushed a little as well because he looked the other way, this is sooooo embarresing! but the moment soon ended when i heard footsteps by the end of the room -

:" hala wala, min il7lu ily zayerna"

- its so weird how they say things like that, like they know me for a long time, i dont blame zyad for adoring his family, theyre so sweet -

Me: " hala 3amy "

Z's dad:  "hala hala, intay fay mu 9a7 ? "

Me:  "ee"

3amy: " nawartay ilbate wala, ge3day ge3aday, laish wagfa "

- he didnt look very old, but i think from the long treatments he took, he looked a little pale, and he had a few wrinkle here and there, but all in all, zyad was a spit image of his father, its like taking zyad and aging him a couple of years, the only thing zyad took from his mom is his eye color -

5alty: " ana baroo7 ayeeb ilchay "

Me:  " mu lazim ita3been nafsich 5alty, walla ilmay kafi "

5alty:  "walaw 7abeebty, intay thayfatna lazim, a9lan i7na ib 5edmitech "

- and she left to get the tea -

3amy:  "ha fay, intay min meta ib Houston ? "

Me : "ta8reeban isboo3 "

3amy:  " oo sawaitay fe7u9atich ? "

Me : "ee 5ala9t'hom il7emdilla "

3amy: " oo betsween 3amalyia "

Me:  " ee ba3ad yomain"

3amy:  "sahalat inshalla "

Me: " inshalla"

3amy:  "tara mako 5of, kil shay ib 2eed allah, fawthay amrich 7ag rab i3alameen oo ohwa ilshafy"

Me:  "inshalla"

3amy: " intaw wain ta3areftaw 3ala ba3ath?"

Zyad:  "getlik yuba bil "save a heart" ily bel musteshfa"

3amy : " ee ily itwensoon ilyahal "

Zyad:  "ee"

3amy: " alla ya6eekom il3afya oo ye36eekom gad neatkom inshalla "

me and zyad:  "inshalla "

- he didnt stop praying for us, he was so sweet it hurts, i mean how can someone be this kind ? i have no idea .. -

3amy: " zyad roo7 sa3ed omik yemkin taby shay "

Zyad:  "inshall yuba"

- he was trying to get us alone so i can be comfortable -

3amy:  "intay shnu 5ayfa mina fay? "

- ... -

Me:  " wayed ashya2 "

- why am saying this, this is so not the time -

3amy: " methil shnu ? "

Me:  "madre ... ya3ny shnu be9eer feni .. ?"

3amy: " tabeen it3erfeen shnu ? "

Me:  "shnu"

3amy: " wala shay "

Me:  " wala shay? "

3amy: " fay, kil wa7ed ghair, oo kil wa7ed yet8ebl ilshay ib 6aree8ta, bes ily lazim it3ereefna ina lazim tet8eblain ily 2yeelich ib 6aree8a mutfa2ela, be positive, wala shay yeswa "

Me:  " shnu 8a9dik "

3amy:  "ya3ny lat 5aleen shay iwagfich , koonay mestmera, ya3ny keep going .. "

Me: " keep going .. werent u a bit scared "

3amy: " shoofay fay, ana ma kent 5ayef min ilmarath aw itha kent bamoot, kent 5ayef shnu be9eer ib sebet ilmarath, kent 5ayf 3ala 3a2elty .. ana kent amashy il2mur oo i was there supporter, bes il7een ana ily aby there support .. bes il7emdilla 3ala kel 7al, omzyad oo zyad ma ge9eraw ib 7agy .. "

- i was speechless, after all hes been through, every crappy appointment he went to and every crappy surgery he had to take, he still had the courage to say those words, he didnt even care that he might die, he just cared about his family, dont get me wrong i knew he would have, but still, his words were the words i was looking for in order to actually "keep going", his words were my motivators -

5alty : "yala 5ali9 ilchay, 7abeeby zyad roo7 yeeb adweyat obuk"

3amy: " hal adweya ily ra7 tethba7ni! "

- did he say that as a joke? i think he did -

5alty:  "oo m7amed besik min hal 7achy ily mala ma3na! "

- she says is while shes laughing, its crazy how free they are and they dont take anything seriously... i think i should live here, maybe they have a guest room ... -

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an sooooo sorry guys this isnt the best post but inshalla the next chapters will be better!

Chapter 11

i am soo sorry for the delay guys and i hope it wont happen again, i personally hate when i read a blog and suddenly they take forever to post, but now i know how it feels because i am blogger, i realized it can be really hectic and stressful knowing people r counting on u, but anyway i dont want to exaggerate ;p

well, i hope u enjoy this post and that it would make up for the past 2 weeks i havent been posting, and i also wanted to say thank u for all the support and all my wonderful followers , i love u!
all my posts are for u guys, u inspire me to write and i thank u for that.
i also want to thank all the bloggers out there! ur awesome! u r the only people who really know how i feel when i write the first sentence of a chapter to the very last sentence, u guys really inspire me as well ...
sooo im gonna stop with the talking and let u start reading :D


Previously: 


Me :" so .. umm ... barneyy .. where is zyad ? "

- i know where zyad was, he was right infront of me .. -

Barney/Zyad: " umm ... i dont know fay .. but he sure told me nice things about u .. "

Me: " really ? what did he say ? .. "

Barney/Zyad : " he said .. umm. .. ur a very, very pretty girl, umm very outgoing .. (zyad's voice) : very different "

- i stared at him, why did he say different in his own voice, he said it so .. i dont even know how, it took my heart away, and i know where it went ...
i came closer to him, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear .. -

Me: " thank u ... for everything"

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Zyad: 

When fay kissed my cheek .. or my barney cheek, i felt a vibe between us, i felt something so real but un-explanatory at the same time, i know its ludicrous but when shes near me i get a little dizzy for some reason. All the things we have been doing together r making us closer and closer, and its getting harder and harder not to love her more, i have to control myself but i cant, i promised myself i wont be the person i was before. But that got me thinking ... when i was younger or when i was an idiot i did those things because i wanted to fit in, because i just didnt have my mind screwed up straight. But now, im wiser and i know whats right and whats wrong, and i sure as hell know that i wont do the same mistakes i did before. I like .. scratch that, love fay, but how can i tell her and make her believe me at the same time?

Fine, ill prove it to her, maybe shell understand that i love her, also if i dont tell her shell know, right?

When i first saw her here, i was surprised, she looked fine. i thought she came here for her mother, father, grandparents maybe, but when i knew she came here for her, i then realized that anything can happen to anyone, she was a breath-taking girl, full of hidden spirit in her, she didnt seem like she was sick, but who knows what God can do to a person ..

I wanted her to have the time of her life before she got the results, i didnt want her to worry so early, so i made her a list of everything she wanted to do, just like what i would want someone to do to me ..

_________

- When we finished from the NASA base and finished the last wish on the list, we decided to go home since its getting late, i saw her face when she saw the time, it got gloomier and gloomier .. -

I took off the itchy costume, still star-strucked by her kiss, i know i was wearing a mask but still ..

Me: " so .. it was a loooong day huh? "

Fay : "it was an amazing day .. u out did urself "

Me : "testahlaine "

- she turned a bit pink, i new she got shy but i didnt want to embarrass her like i did yesterday, so i just grinned at her and gave her one of my earphones -

Fay: " Im gonna get my results tomorrow .."

Me: " its gonna be ok .. "

Fay:  "is it? "

Me : "u never know "

Fay: "i wont allow myself to be scared or sad .. "

Me: " why be scared? .. its not the end of the world, u know that right? "

Fay: " yea, it isnt the end of the world ... I'm going to kill this "

Me: " u r .. "

Fay:  " promise me something ?.. "

Me: " anything "

Fay:  "if anything happens dont force urself to stay .. if u cant handle it .. "

Me :" dont even say it, dont think it even! its not that ive seen it before but i wont leave ur side no matter what happens whether u like it or not , understood .. "

Fay : "yea but .. "

Me:  "shhhhh, no more talking, silent music time "

- i changed the subject .. how could she think for a second that i would leave her side! i dont care what happens im always going to be by her side .. she is MY special girl, i wont let anything happen to her, i am going to help her face this - 

Fay : "ok .. "

Me:  "good"

- and that was that .. -

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Fay:


After the long car ride we got out of the taxi and he took me to he entrance, i didnt care what was going through his or my head, i just hugged him, i hugged him for saving me from my depression, for today, tomorrow, everyday he was with me and everyday hes going to be with me.
It wasnt long that i realized im in love with him, but i didnt realize i couldnt control myself towards him, and that needs to stop .. o.o

Me: " i love u barney"

- i said "i love u" in a more friend type of way because i couldn't bring myself to tell him that i REALLY did love him right this minute -

Zyad:  "love u too Blushy washy "

Me : "see u .. "

Zyad:  " tomorrow right after ur appointment no excuses ! "

- he said it really fast and left, not allowing me to protest of anything, thats zyad.. what he wants he gets .. -

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Sunday June 16, 2011 

Mom:  " yalla goomay fay 3endena maw3id ma3a il6abeeb "

Me: " inzain 5al abadel "

Mom: "yall 7abeebty, roo7ay ghaslay wayich "

- my family was staying strong for me, they realized that acting they way they acted yesterday and the past few days made me feel awkward, so now they're finally being themselves and acting "normal", i hope it stays that way .. -

Me: " im ready ! lets go! "

- they looked at me like im some alien for being so excited and happy , but then adjusted and smiled -

Dad: " yalla :D "

- we ate bagels while walking on the bridge to the hospital, i wont lie, im nervous .. but do u blame me? theyre giving me a piece of paper that says if i have cancer of not .. -

Mom : "galaw esemna "

- they said our names and we stood up, made our way to the doctor's room and sat down again waiting for the doctor -

Mom: " bismalla "

- my mom and dad were reading the Quran while waiting, making me feel more nervous , but i, as well started to pray -

Doctor: "hello .. can i come in ? "

- theyre so polite here, we're in his room and hes asking if HE can come in .. -

Dad:  "yea sure "

Doctor: " well,  umm the results say that ... fay does have brain cancer, its not rare, hopefully it can be treated .. "

- i just stood still, face emotionless, brain locked, ears half open, and eyes somewhere else .. im not surprised, im just .. tired i guess .. tired of thinking maybe? i just kept quiet not knowing what to say, not glancing at anyone of my family members, not wanting to see their over-depressed faces -

Mom:  "so whats the treatment doctor? "

Doctor: " fay has stage 3 of brain cancer, it does involve chemotherapy, but not a very long period of time, it depends on the stage, so probably .. 8 months of chemo, and one month of radiation to make sure the cancer is gone for good .. "

Me:  "what if it doesn't go ? "

- i surprised myself for saying those words, but i wanted to know -

Doctor : " we'll try... but ur the one who decides if u want to be strong or not fay, ur gonna be ur own hero from now on .. "

- hero? -

Doctor: " well, thats it for the treatment, the surgery is after 2 days, please dont eat anything heavy before 24 hrs of the surgery, and thats it for me , any question or concerns ? "

Dad: " no thank u doctor .. "

Mom : " il7emdilla 3ala kel 7al .. iste8feralla il3atheem .. "

- i just looked a her sobbing face and listened to her prayers, not saying or doing anything ... i didnt want to be in this room anymore .. i was getting suffocated, i texted Zyad to tell him im done, he said hes gonna be at the hotel in 5 -

Me: " ana baroo7 weya rab3ey .. "

Mom :  "il7een ?! mako 6al3a lazim teg3deen weyana ! "

Dad: " la2! 5aleeha testanes, shnu tabeenha itswe ihne .. 5aleeha itroo7 itlahe roo7ha, take care 7abeebty oo lat tet2a5erane ok ? "

Me:  "inshalla "

- and with that i left -

Zyad: " soo .. what happened "

Me : " .. nothin really .. "

Zyad: " what do mean ? "

Me : " im thinking of shaving my head ... my surgery is in 2 days .. and i could use my hair for charity beside it going to waste .. "

- he looked at me, he was trying to sink in what i just said, i didnt want to come right at him and say "hey zyad i have cancer", thats not me, i like just playing along acting like nothing happened -

Zyad : " i have the best salon "

- great, hes playing along, i love it when he gets me -

Me:  " :) "

- we went to a near salon , it looked cute, polka dots everywhere, even the name was polka dots ! i could smell the scent of shampoo and the sound of blow dryers from the outside -

Me : "dont we need an appointment ?  "

Zyad:  " ur in Houston, oh and ur shaving ur head not going to a party "

Me:  "shut up "

- we went inside, told them what i wanted and we were seated in a matter of seconds -

Hair stylist : " hey y'all , my name is Abby and ill be do'in who's hair ? "

Me : " me "

Abby :" so what do u want honey ? "

Me:  "i want to shave my head and give it to charity .. "

Abby:  "oh ur lucky,  we just received our own hair charity box just yesterday ! "

Zyad:  "i want to shave my head too "

Me: " u dont have to do that .. "

Zyad:  "i want to .. so we can be twins!  "

- i looked at him, he talked like he was a child and i laughed at that, why would he do that for me .. i mean i know its just hair, but why hes doing it just made me think to myself what a white-hearted guy he was .. behind all that craziness , deep inside hes just an ordinary, kind guy -

Abby : "wow! we have a lot of donors ! "

- we were only 2 but her enthusiasm made me smile ... at the same time, i took my hand out of my hoody pocket and held Zyad's hand, he was holding the arm chair while sitting next to me, so i didnt need to move, i really needed a hand to hold -

Zyad *whispering to me* : " im right here "

Me:  "i know .. "

- when she started i closed my eyes, i didnt wan to see myself until the end, i wanted to see exactly how i looked like .. after she finished i opened one eye, and then the other ... i didnt recognize who i was... i was looking straight at my reflection thinking i was a stranger to myself ... i looked so .. i dont know .. bare and light headed, i looked around and at the hair covered floor not saying a word.. -

Abby : "u look great "

Zyad:  " best transformation ! "

- i laughed, i actually laughed, i didnt know what to say, i felt like all the word that were saved in my head disappeared ...
i was just stunned , i was afraid of touching my head, and i didnt know why .. but when my hands felt the really tiny hairs on my head, it traveled all around my scalp, but then i noticed a little hair patch at the end of my head, i turned around slightly to find a heart at the lowed part if my head, she didnt shave the heart alot so it can be really visible, i thought it looked beautiful -

Me:  "thank u "

Abby : "it was my pleaser darlin, my pleasure .. "

Zyad:  " my turn!! and i want a star! "

- i swear this boy is crazy! no words can describe how hes a complete maniac! but i love him, every piece of him, from his wild side and his sensitive quiet side, which i havent seen that much of, but still i loved it .. -

Abby:  "ready ?"

Zyad: " yup!!! "


- when we were done we thanked Abby again and were on our way to the cake shop, Abby said she'll e-mail me a pic of the wig made up of my hair so i could see how it would look like which was nice .. -

Me:" i feel so bare and light headed"

Zyad: " me too! its been a long time since i shaved my hair .. "

Me:  " the feeling is so weird "

Zyad:  " fay? "

Me: " hmm "

Zyad:  " do u wan to meet my dad ? "

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And thats it for today guys! Join us next time ... just kidding!
ok so this is the 11th chapter and im not that excited about this one, but ill see what happens!

Hopefully the next chapter will be better !

>> @epiphany88

>> ask.fm/epiphany88

Chapter 10

Hey Guys! so sorry for the delay but u guys have to know that i also have school, and other things to do, so im so sorry if my posts r late!
anyways, i hope u enjoy this chapter, and please tell me what u think :D

xoxo
   - epiphany

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Saturday, June 15 2011


When we arrived at the cake shop, Zyad and i ordered probably 3 huge cakes, there cakes were massive .. no joke. we ordered 1 normal chocolate, 1 nutella and one red velvet.
we started eating and talking about kuwait, some random things really, when suddenly zyad took out a plane sheet of paper and pen and gave them to me.

Me:" what r these for " ?

Zyad: " write 6 things u want to do right this minute, anything that comes to mind, nothing personal, just random "

Me: " ok, did u write ur list yet ? "

Zyad: " long time ago, now its ur turn, u can make the list bigger if u want .."

Me: " 6 is fine i guess .. "

Zyad: " there r many things a person wants to do in theyre life, make it random, this list is about u, and  nobody else "

 - i looked at him, nobody else ..  ok. i took the pen and started writing -

Zyad: " save the best for last"

- i smiled at him, showing him that i was going to do that anyways -


1. take a baking class
2. fly
3. get soaked in cold water with my cloths on
5. meet Barney
6. get a tattoo on my neck that says Hogwarts on it


- i folded the paper, and put it in my pocket -

Zyad: " hey, i want to see it !"

Me: " u cant see it! its private "

Zyad: " then how r we going to do them if i cant see it !"

Me: " do them?"

Zyad: " we have exactly till 12 am to do all of the things on ur list .. now can u please give it to me "

Me: " fine"

- i gave him the list and he instantly smiled -

Zyad: " meet barney ? "

Me: " do u have a problem with that ? -.- "

Zyad: " not at all "

Me: " good "

Zyad: " ohmygod! we have ur first wish ! "

Me: " which one ? "

Zyad:  "going to a baking class! "

Me: " no way! "

- i turned around and saw a sign that says 30 dollar cooking class for beginners ! it was so random! -

Me: " wow , i did not see that "

Zyad: " that is so awesome! yalla we dont have time to lose ! "

Me: " ok ok! "

- we went to the person who works here and told him we want to go to the class, lucky for me the class just began and we can come in , we entered the kitchen and saw 5 other people there, just 5 -

The Chef: " well hello there ! I'm Chef Marten and welcome to "Bake-My-First-Cake" class "

- he was a chubby chef, with rosy cheeks and lips, and a huge belly ! his face looked so innocent, he reminded me of all the cake boxes i saw at the grocery store, with all the chef's faces plastered on them-

The Chef: " ok, so we begin with pouring some flour in the bowl "

- my flour was stuck, so i asked Zyad to help me. when he took the flour, he was having a hard time opening the paper bag too. But Suddenly i heard a loud rip! it was like shhhhh6666!!! i didnt realize until i tasted four on my lip that i was covered with flour! me and Zyad!! -

Me: " oh. my. god "

- i looked around, finding me and zyad's station covered with WHITE FLOUR! we looked at each other and laughed our heads off! the chef started yelling at us but we didnt listen, we just laughed! i started feeling my stomach muscles starting to rip! every time i opened my eyes i laughed, its like i couldnt control myself -

Chef :" STOP IT RIGHT NOW! IF U DONT STOP LAUGHING U WILL GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN RIGHT THIS MINUTE!! "

- we both got silent and stared at him like this : 0.0 -

Chef: " good, now go get cleaned up if u want to join the class , again "

- that was harsh .. -

Me and Zyad : " yes chef "

- we both went to a place in the kitchen where there were sinks, i started to wash my hair, when i felt water splashing at me for my right -

Me: " stop it ! "

Zyad :" i got an idea ! "

- he took a huge bucket from i dont know where, filled it with water and guess what he did .. he splashed it all at me !!! -

Me: " WHAT THE HELL!!!!! "

- the water was freezing cold, i think i turned blue, but i was so happy that it didnt matter a single bit! i took the bucket from him filled it with iced cold water and splashed all over him, just like he did it to me-

Zyad: " IT WAS UR WISH! "

Me: " i dont care ! "

- we both started laughing hysterically, this day was going by so amazingly! i cant even belive whats happening, its like im in a dream -

Zyad: " there's some shops across the street, we should buy new clothes hahahahaha "

Me: " i agree hahahahahaha "

- he held my hand and we got out of the restaurant forgetting to tell the Chef we're not joining his class anymore ;p as we walked down the street looking for a descent shop, everyone around us were staring at us, like why r those idiots soaking wet ... but i didnt care, nor did Zyad. i had a smile on my face the whole time, my cheeks were killing me. i dont know if im smiling because zyad was holding my hand really tight or that i just finished two things from my wish list, or that im just happy... maybe all of them ... -

Zyad: " kaho gap! "

Me:" ok yala 5an dish "

- the women's gap was closed, so there was only men -.-, i wore an oversized hoody, and my pants wernt really wet anymore, it was a bit chilli for some reason and it started to rain, so the hoody was good ... we got the cloths, zyad bought a hoody as well, and bought some pants -

Zyad: " ok, so whats next ?"

Me: " fly .. "

Zyad:" i know where to go! "

Me: " how on earth am i going to fly?! "

Zyad: " just trust me ok .. "

Me: " ok .. "

- it was a 30 min ride, when we arrived, i saw a huge, i mean huge looking stadium, it was all silver, and when i looked, it had pictures of rockets and starts, like we were in a NASA base or something -

Me : " where r we? "

Zyad: " Houston has a huge NASA base, they have this thing where u can walk without gravity, like flying in a way .. "

Me: " ok .. "

- we got in and everything was so spacious ! everything was so big, everything looked so modern and electronic. -

Me :" WOW, how do know about this place "

Zyad: " i know, right .. i went here the first time i arrived in houston, it was the best place for me to just stop thinking about reality u know? like, every single person has a place where they can just escape, and this is mine "

Me: " exactly .. "


- we asked someone to help us get a tour  -

The guy : "sure guys, there's a tour guy over there he can show u around "

- we took a tour around the base, the place was amazing, we went to this tunnel where everything was dark and the place was brightened up with lighted stars, it was beautiful -

Zyad: " imagine living here all ur life .. "

Me: " i cant imagine ... its too beautiful "

- we stopped because the tour guide was talking about stars and whatever, and zyad started looking at me -

Me: " what now ? "

Zyad: " u have an eye lash under ur eye .. "

- he put his thumb on my face and brushed off the eye lash ... he looked at me for what seems to be forever .. we came here to fly without gravity, but strangely in this moment i felt like i was flying even if we were standing on the ground, everything paused and i felt my weight got lifted up when he looked at me, he took my breath away .. -

Me: " umm .. the tour guy ... uumm the tour guy left ... "

Zyad:  "yeah he did "

- why was he still looking at me, its like his eyes were glues at me and my eyes were glued at him, our eyes were glued at each other.. he stared at me so .. strangely, he was like studying my features .. like he hasnt seen me before ..  -

Me :" we should ... "

Zyad: " yeah we should .. "

- we caught up to the tour and the next stop was the place where u can walk without gravity, im going to do it but i know i scratched that wish 5 minutes ago .. -

Zyad: " we're up next "

Me: " i dont know why im nervous ... "

Zyad: " maybe because ur excited .. "

Me:  " i am :D "

The tour guy: " Zoe and Fin r up next "

Me :" whos Zoe and Fin ? .. "

Zyad: WE R!"

Me: " u called us zoe and fin?! "

Zyad: " its funny , zoe for zyad and fay for fin :D "

Me: " ur weird "

- out of no where, Zyad carried me and threw me at this trampoline looking thing, as soon as i reached it i flew right up! i screamed so loud i thought my throat was going to explode! i was actually flying, my feet wernt on the ground!!! -

Zyad:  " im coming ! "

Me: " ahhhh!!!! im flying!!! "

- i was actaully making summer salts on air, going up and down .. feeling free .. zyad came and held me form my hand -

Zyad: " i dont want to leave!! "

Me: " neither do i! "

- we were shouting because it was hard for us to hear each other, other than there was no gravity, air was coming from the ground making us fly.. we spent almost 15 minutes just swerling and moving around enjoying the moment, at one point Zyad wanted to try slow dancing but failed, i had the best time, all the thing ive dont so far was for me, out of the ordinary, it was so surreal .. -

Zyad:" hey, umm im going to the bathroom, wait here ill be right back .. "

Me :" ok ... "

- i waited for Zyad to come .. he took a really long time, i was getting worried ... -

... : "well, hello there !!

- the person behind me strangely sounded weird, he sounded just like ... -

Me :" barney ?! "

Barney :" nice to meet u fay, Zyad told me u wanted to meet me!! "

Me :" O.O "

- am i actually serious, i dont even know why i even wrote down that wish, it just came in my mind, plus im talking to BARNEY! wait ... where is zyad ? ... -

Me :" so .. umm ... barneyy .. where is zyad ? "

- i know where zyad was, he was right infront of me .. -

Barney/Zyad: " umm ... i dont know fay .. but he sure told me nice things about u .. "

Me: " really ? what did he say ? .. "

Barney/Zyad : " he said .. umm. .. ur a very, very pretty girl, umm very outgoing .. (zyad's voice) : very different "

- i stared at him, why did he say different in his own voice, he said it so .. i dont even know how, it took my heart away, and i know where it went ...
i came closer to him, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear .. -

Me: " thank u ... for everything"

_________________________________________________________________________________

hey guys!!! i worked really hard on this chapter and id really appreciate it if u would tell me what u think! hope u enjoy this chapter!!!

xoxo
   - epiphany


>>@epiphanyblogger
>>ask.fm/epiphany88

Chapter 9

Saturday June 15, 2011

“A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, and must empty ourselves. Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in his love than in your weakness.” 
― Mother Teresa


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



i woke up at about 9 am and found my family in the living room whispering ...

Mom: " 3adnan ( dads name) lasim inwadeeha dictor nefsy, sheftha bil safra? ma galet kelma wa7da, ma gamet tetkelm, madry shfeeha! gemt a5af "

Dad: " ya Sara, ya 7abeebty itha shefna feeha shay ra7 inwedeeha, bes ma feeha shay mu lazim, oo ehya ma tabi itroo7 mu gha9eb, lazim in5aleeha 3ala ra7et'ha "

Mom: " inshalla "

_____

now that i got the therapy thing out of my head, its such a relief. plus, the way my family talks behind my back is kind of annoying, i mean i know whats happening is diffecult, but why act weird ..

i came in and found some donuts, pancakes, waffles, bagels and many other delicious food on the counter, a smile formed on my face instantly.

Me: " 9aba7 il5air... laish kel hatha ? "

Mom: " 9aba7 ilnoor 7abeebti :) 3ashanich yuma .. intay testahlane akther "

- wow thats nice of them, even the smell of all this made me full already ... -

after eating and spending some quality time with my family, an hour passed by and i felt my phone vibrating, it was Zyad. i gave him my phone number along with the others (james, charlie and Damon ) so we can stay in touch..

i answered the phone ..

Me: " Alo "

Zyad : "Ahlan fay! "

- why so excited ? -

Me: " hala zyad, shlonik ? "

Zyad: " tamam il7emdilla , shlonich intay ? :D "

- he was talking so quickly, i dont know whats wrong with him -

Me: " wala il7emdilla "

Zyad: " yalla tara ana ta7at "

Me: " isa3a 10 .. "

Zyad: " exactly, fa we're gonna be late, yalla!"

- i didnt bother asking him where were going at 10 am cause i know he wont tell me, plus he closed the phone on my face -.- -


i went to get changed really quick, i guess we're going to the mall, so i didnt wear anything uncomfortable ..
and i also brought the rest of the donuts and pancakes for Zyad, its 10 so its breakfast,  and... maybe hes hungry ...  im so kind :)

when i went inside the elevator i unexpectedly ran into Lee , except i didnt recognize her because she was wearing shades ..

Me: " oh, hey Lee "

Lee: " oh, fay, i didnt see there, how r u ?

- .. i was right infornt of her -

Me: " umm fine, how about u ?"

Lee: " im all good, dont worry i can see things if i concentrate on them, i just made an eye surgery, they said they found a tumor in there, sorry i didnt see u there at first dearie "

Me: " no its ok :) "

- i really felt bad ..  -

Lee: " sooo, there was a handsome young man in the lobby i saw earlier, i heard him say ur name on the phone ;) "

Me: " yea, zyad ... hes a friend :) "

Lee: " a handsome friend, and it sure showed form the huge smile on his face that ur really good friends ;)) "

- oh my god ! -


Me: " hhh , yea "

Lee: " well, dont be shy hun, tell me, is something wrong ? r u having mixed feelings ? "

Me :" no its not that, we're just really good friends, i just met him yesterday , and im not the type of person to u know ... express my feeling to someone, not because of my morales, its just in general, i dont know how to do it..  "

Lee: " mmhhmm, sweat heart, im going to tell u something i read earlier, it was a quote said by C. Joybell C  ... it says :"We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved."  fay, i didnt follow this quote ..  and i regretted half of my life because of that, i was just like u, dont do that mistake, be loved by the people who matter ... and u know who im talking about ... "

- how did she know  ? -

Me: " umm, thanks Lee, that was really nice, but how ... "

- and the elevator doors opened ... great -

Lee: " i just do, God created us all the same, its not difficult to get to know one another if u just try ... see u later sunshine .. "

- i said good bye with a blank expression on my face, i was stunned , she new me so well! was it obvious that i was that secure and close minded, and was my past so obvious to her too ? i dont know ... -

__________

the first person i saw when i entered the lobby was Zyad , i didnt even have to look, he wore a plane white t-shirt and some shorts, he looked ... how can i say it .. dreamy .. what ?! fay seriously !!! ur not like that ! snap out of it !! was Lee's conversation affecting me that much ...

Me: " hey :D"

Zyad:  " helloo :D"

Me: " i brought u breakfast "

Zyad : " ahhh thank u ! im starving !! "

Me: " ur welcome :D"

- YAY! -

Zyad: " yalla lets go, the taxi's waiting :D "

- he actaully held my hand ... he held my hand all the way to the taxi !!!!!!!! i felt something prickling inside my skin, its traveling through my whole body .. what r these things ? .. we went inside the cab, and zyad started eating, he looked so cute when hes eating ... fay !!! STOP IT! -

Me: " so ... where r we going ? "

Zyad: " James and the others had to cancel because they had to do some university papers they have to fill out, so im gonna take u to the Galleria my self :) "

Me: " But isnt it kind of early ?"

Zyad :  "the earlier the better :) "


- When we arrived at the Galleria no one was there, it was deserted .. except it was almost afternoon on a saturday ... -

Me: " its saturday, and no one is even here "

Zyad" thats why i told u the earlier the better, u cant step a foot in here at night "

Me: " i can see why, its HUGE "

Zyad: " come on, they have an amazing ice skating rink ! "

- oh no, this is bad, i dont know how to skate, but i never admitted it to any one, oh no im gonna embarrass myself-

Me: " Zyad, do we have to ? "

Zyad: " uh yea! its so much fun i promise! "

Me: " oh ok "

Zyad: " itha ma tabeen its ok "

Me: " la 3ady !"

- fay u stupid person -

Zyad: " fay, do u know how to skate ? "

- he looked at me with an eye brow lifted up, what is this guy up to?, is he quizing me of something .. but i have to say, he looked hot when he looked at me that way, well he looks hot all the time -

Me: " yes! i do know how to skate, everyone does! "

- oh my god fay, just oh my god -

Zyad:  "fine, but its not that easy if u havnt done it for a while"

- we wore our skating shoes, and i couldnt even walk in them, how the hell am i suppose to skate in them then? this is TORTURE ! .... no fay, lat tetdel3ane, u can so do this ! -

Zyad: " ok, ready ?"

Me: " yup "

- how hard could it be .. -

Zyad: "yalla 3ayal "

Me: " inta awel "

Zyad: " if u say so "

- as soon as he went he started skating so gracefully, like hes a professional, i just got mesmerized by the way he turned around, and skated so peacefully ... fay lat tan7een! -

Me: " here goes .. everything " ( she said everything in a low voice ;p )

- as soon as i put my legs on the ice, i sled flat on my back! i didnt even make it to the middle! -

Zyad:  "ohmygod fay! r u ok ? r u hurt? do u need to go to the doctor? ohmygod r u ok?? did u hit ur head ?? "

- he said everything so quickly, i didnt even catch a few words he said! i dont even know how many times he asked me if i was ok, it was like he was on repeat! but in response i just laughed, and laughed ...  at my self and him -

Zyad: " why r u laughing ?!!!! r u ok???  "

Me: " cause i dont know how to skate and ur face look pricless ! hahahahahhaha "

Zyad: " i should have guessed " ( he said it with his gorgeous smile )

Me: " can u please help me up "

- i said it because ma kent aby atene7 mara thanya by is gooorgeous smile -

Zyad:  "come up slowly .. "

- i didnt listen, i just came up normally forgetting i was on cold, hard ice ... then suddenly i slipped again, but to my astonishment i did land on the ice, i was surprised cause i had my eyes closed, when i opened then i saw Zyad's beautiful face right infornt of me, he was kneeling on me, my back was on his leg, holding me by his hand, he was breathing heavily, his eyes wide ... i just stared .. i didnt know what to do, he looked frightened himself -

Zyad:  " i told u slowly .. "

- his face was still inches away form mine, there wasnt any space, and the way he said his words, he said them so softly, so quietly so he wouldn't scare me, he said them so .. gently -

Me:  " ... "

Zyad: " if u fall again, i will catch u, u know that right ?"

- his position didnt change, the way he way he said the words didnt change either .. delicate and gentle .. but, what did he mean by those words? im guessing he didnt only mean falling in ice skating .. -

Me :" yea i do "

Zyad: " let me teach u, ok ? "

- how r u suppose to teach me like this? we didnt move , its like we were stuck in one place and in one position -

Me: " ok "

- why r all my answers like that, its like i have a loss for words or something ... seconds later zyad lifted me up higher so i could be standing straight, he went behind me and put one hand on one of my hands and the other on my waist, its like he was hugging me backwards but we were moving, at first i felt uncomfortable, but then .. i felt  the opposite ... -

Zyad:  "ok .. so slowly .. just move one foot then the other .. its like walking except u have to slide a little .. like dancing "

Me: " dancing ? "

- he pulled out his ipod from his pocket from the hand that was on my waist, then he put one earphone on my ear and another on his, playing " somewhere only we know " by Keane " then returned his ipod in his pocket, put his hand on waist ... where it belongs :P -

Me: " i love this song .. " (i said in a low voice )

Zyad:  " me too "

- we circled around the whole rink, i dont know how many time, playing the song on repeat .. we never got bored of it , i didnt even bother asking him if he wanted to change it. the best part was when i closed my eyes half way threw the rink... i felt so at peace, like no one was watching me, the only thing i felt was Zyad's warm hands, and his rhythmic heart beat, i could feel it form my back .. it was so .. relaxing .. it was by far the best feeling in the world -

Me: " Zyad ? "

Zyad : "hmm  "

Me: " where it ur favorite place in the world ? "

Zyad: " i dont know yet ... ask me in a couple of years "

- suddenly i felt him get distant, the earphone on my ear fell and i didnt feel Zyad's heartbeats anymore, i turned my head and i found myself skating alone, now i felt free, i was skating all around the place ... i went crazy -

Me: " THIS IS SO AWESOME ! "

- Zyad just laughed at my craziness .. and he started to shout too, i dont even know what he said, i was so in the moment -
 _______

 after a few minutes i got tired, and zyad did too, so he said we could get some cake from a shop near "rice village" where we went yesterday .. as we got in the cab, Zyad took out his iPod and we started listening to "somewhere only we know" again ..

---------------------------------


hope u enjoy this chapter! and hopefully the next one will be longer, and please dont forget to tell me what u think :*

>> @epiphanyblogger

>> ask.fm/epiphany88

Chapter 8

Previously :

Zyad : " its ok fay, its ok  ... "

- i cant belive im crying in front of a complete stranger, but in this moment part of me doesn't care -

Me: " u dont understand!! "

Zyad : " yes, i actually do "

- i looked at him, nose red, eyes filled with tears - 

Me: " how ? "

___________________

- a few minutes later i was still sobbing, i couldn't control myself, i just blew up! i never did this before, im having this stupid malfunction in worst time ever !!! UGH FAY!!! -

Zyad : "bes ge3day, i5thay nafas .. "

- i sat down, i really dont know how i sat even, i was covering my face the whole time, i hate people seeing me cry -

Zyad: " im pretty sure ur not just crying because u felt bad for the kid, whats wrong ? "

Me: " how can i trust u "

Zayd: " u just cried ur heart out in front of me, i dont think telling me whats wrong is gonna make a difference .. "

- i thought about it, he seems like a nice guy, hes kind, and he really seemed like he cared -

Me:" i dont know, everything is just all over the place, i dont know where to start ! "

Zyad: " just take it easy, step by step "

Me: " im a bad person "

- he looked at me like he didnt believe me .. -

Me: " i am! that boy doesnt have quarter what i have and he still managed to have a smile of his face, i .. i cant remember the last time i did that, i can't remeber the last time i laughed, like really laughed .. u know? i use to be a bully all my life, well most of my life .. but as i think of it now, ive been a bully to myself too .. like,  i didnt allow myself to live the way i wanted to live ..... u know? see? i told u i wont make sense ! "

- i was tearing up all the way, but he still listened, and he didnt look at me sympathetically, he looked at me like he cared -

Zyad :" what made u become a bully ? "

Me: " i dont know ... i lost faith in myself i guess, i didnt feel good enough, so i released all my anger towards people that dont deserve it, people who actually cared about me ... i dont know how i got to this point, maybe this is a period in my life where i can start over .. "

Zyad: " thats exactly it "

from that minute on, most of the day was spent just us talking about ourselves. i told him everything about myself and my life in general.. like my sister, and how she use to control me, and now she acts so sweet because of what happened to me. i told him about saja, jazi and haya. and i even told him how i use to lie to people. i told him about maya, and how i betrayed her, and how i so badly regret it. how i was this bully, and how mean i use to be, how ungrateful i use to be as well ...
but u know what surprised me the most, was that he didnt judge me .. but by the end i new why ..
he use to be the same ...

Zyad" i use to be this jerk too, my number one priorities were my friends, and my status. i cant count how many girlfriends i had, and how many hearts ive broken, and not only my exes, but people too.
i cant count how many girls ive gotten in trouble with, and the most shameful part was that i was the reason all those girls got in trouble, i was the reason all those girl had lost there parents trust .. and at that time i didnt care .. "

Me: " u didnt care at all ? "

Zyad: " deep down, i really did, but my ego took over all the sympathy in me. it took over my whole body.. my emotions .. my parents tried to actually rescue me in a way, rescue me from the path i was in, or was going to follow. but they didnt help, my stubbornness was too strong... just remebering what i use to do, disgusts me, it actually still haunts me... all the drinking, smoking, girls, the bad influences .. but, i cant erase it now, im just trying to build this wall between me and my past right now .. "

Me: " what made u change? "

Zyad: " this "

Me: " this? what do u mean? u had cancer? "

Zyad: " nope, my dad did. and it was just .. heartbreaking. i wished it wouldve happened to me, its hard enough to see my father in pain, but him go threw it for a long time as well.. its just .. i dont know .. sad"

Me: " is he ok now? "

Zyad: "well i guess, he did the surgery, and he finished his chemotherapy which took almost 2 years, and now hes taking radiation, which is after chemotherapy .. and that'll take him about 8 months .."

(- to anyone who doesnt know, chemotherapy is what cancer patients get for theyre treatment, and thats what makes their hair fall and stuff, radiation is what u get after chemo, its just an ashe3a to make sure the cancer is gone, sometimes if the cancer is small they just do radiation .. oh and also surgery if they have to-)

Me: " youve stayed here for the past 2 years ? "

Zyad: " yup, and im glad .. i didnt want to leave my dad and mom alone, and we all needed to be by my dads side for support, plus i still keep in touch with my good friends if thats what ur wondering, and about my other "friends" .. they just left me .. u dont know ur true freinds until u really needed them .. "

Me: " exactly .. "

Zyad: " so, r u ok now? "

Me:" yea, but u know, i never cry in front of people, but ur an exception .. "

Zyad: " good, it actually made us get to know each other :) "

Me: " yea, it did ... :)"

Zyad: " so, u didnt tell me why ur here ..  "

Me: " they told me i had brain cancer in kuwait, faa i came here, i just finished my check up .. "

Zyad: " oh, well dont worry .. ur results come out in 3 days 9a7?

Me: " 2 i think .. "

Zyad: " then, we dont have any time to waste !"

Me: " shnu 8a9dik? "

Zyad: " im gonna show u around!! r u staying at the hotel? "

Me :" yea ... "

Zyad: " perfect "

__________________

the next thing i know, we were sitting in the hotel's bus, going to god know where ..
Zyad said that he lives in a house 2 minutes form here, because they were staying for a long time, and the hotel was too small for his dad ..

we were going to some village zyad told me about, and hes going to make me meet some of the people he got to know when he lived here for 2 years, but i told him im not good at meeting new people, yet, he ignored me ..

________

Me: " zyad, im not good at meeting new people "

Zyad:  " lazim tet3alemane "

Me : " UGH "

Zyad: " besich te7el6em "

Me: " inzain! "

- we reached the village (which is actually called the "rice village" which consists of a few boutiques and cafes) and i got nervous, what if they thought i was weird ...
when we got off i saw 3 people standing in front of a music shop, one blonde guy which had his arm around a brunette's shoulders, which indicated that they were together.. i think, and another "black" guy ( dont mean to be racist) standing with them talking .. we walked towards them , and they all smiled -

Zyad: " hey guys, i called because i wanted to introduce u to a knew friend i met recently "

- they all said hi and introduced them selves, the blonde guy was named James, the brunette's name was Charlotte , but she told me that i can call her Charlie, and the black dude was called Damon , they were all really sweet, charlie even walked near me, and we started talking about random subjects.
 so after about an hour of just talking and laughing, i felt so close to them, like we were instant friends, the feeling i got was so different from every other feeling i get, it was the feeling of comfort and friendship, it felt sooo good. u know when u miss something, and then it finally arrives, or happens, u know that feeling of relief ... thats what i felt -

James: " so tomorrow we all meet up at the Galleria right ? "

- we all said yes, and at the same time we said our goodbyes, they even hugged me...
 the hotel's bus came, so we had to go because it has a certain time limit. ... when we got on the bus Zyad and i .. i noticed that he was staring at me .. -

Me: " what ? "

Zyad: " ur different, u know ? "

Me: " what do u mean? "

Zyad: " i mean, not only ur personality, but also ur looks, ur eyes r like this hazelish green, and ur hair is kind of light, u don't look like the typical kuwaiti kinda girl "

Me: " my grandma is half british .. "

Zyad: " u should be grateful, girls would kill to have those things "

Me: " r u being serious ? "

Zyad: " yeah! dont get me wrong, but ur beautiful, like really .. beautiful "

- i blushed, oh my god this is soooo embarresing -

Me: " well. .. thanks, but from all the people that took advantage of my looks, i started to hate them to tell u the truth .. but thanks .. that was really sweet "

Zyad: " ur welcome "

- and he started to grin, this huge grin! like not that devilish grin, but this huge smile -

Me: " What now!

Zyad: " ur blushing .. "

Me: " shut up!

Zyad: " hahahaha, ur BLUSHING!"

Me: " UGH! ur so annoying ! "

- and we just looked at each other and laughed, oh my god, i dont even remember the last time i really laughed this much, its like my brain forgot that function in body even exsisted ! -

Me: " oh my god, i dont remeber that last time i really laughed that much ! "

Zyad: " oh and thats just the beginning ;) "

- we finally reached the hotel -

Me: " u know, its really nice what u did for me, no one ever did that for me .. so thank u , really .. "

Zyad: " noooo problemo, bel3aks i wanted to, min ziman ma sheft wa7d aw wa7da kuwaitya fa we r actually making each other happy ;) "

me: " yeah ok .. ( huge smile ) ill see tomorrow..  "

- i knew i was blushing i knew i was blushing!!! -

Zyad : yea ok ( almost laughing ) bye blushy washy "

Me: " blushy washy -.- ? "

Zyad: " i mean fay, i meant fay! "

Me: " whatever jerk .. "


- as i walked in the hotel with the biggest smile on my face i realized that this was maybe the best day of my life  ... -

_______________________________________________________________________________

kind of a long post for u guys because u deserve it ! u waited too long oo inshalla i wont take long with my other post ... anyway i hope u enjoy this chapter and dont forget to tell me what u think!!

>> @epiphanyblogger

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chapter 7

Friday June 14, 2011

6:30 am

Today was the day of pure exhaustion. my schedule was full of appointments, tests, everything ...

we all woke up early to eat breakfast so we can go do all my tests on time.. the first test was fine, all the necessary crap .. and then came the blood test, which disgusted me, after that was the MRI thing ...
they scanned my head, it was kind of hot, they also stuck me with more needles, but i stayed strong the whole way, plus my family "ma ga9eraw", they were by my side the whole time, my mom held my hand in all my tests, and when she felt i was afraid, but it was pretty obvious since my hand was shaking the entire time ..

believe or not we finished all my tests at 2 pm! time flies so fast ...
our last appointment was with my doctor,  he came in, full head of white hair, a white beard, and a friendly face.

Doctor : "well hello everyone, my name is Dr. Andrew Fisher (the name is made up) , and im going to be fay's doctor for the time being :) "

- we all said hello, and he started asking me some questions -

Doctor: " so fay, have u felt some pain, dizziness, or did something happen that made u realize there is something wrong ? "

Me :" no, umm i dont know ... i think i felt something was going to happen to me ... but i didnt feel any pain, nothing that indicated there was something wrong with me .. "

- its true, i didnt feel anything, but i knew something was going to happen , i knew -

Doctor: " oh, well, dont worry it happens .. "

- he started asking me more questions, if i had any kind of allergie, if i had a disease, or a sickness. he also started to touch my head, showed me some pictures of different stages of cancer ... -

Doctor: " so, the results r going to be done in a about 3 days, and we already made the appointment, and i also wanted to add that nothing is 100% sure yet, so dont worry that much.. ok? ... "


we thanked him, and said our goodbyes ..
when we were walking on the bridge on our way to the hotel, my mom told me something that did not only surprise me, but actually made me stop in my tracks

Me: "  WHAT?! "

Mom: " u didn't show any emotions from the first day all this happened, im getting worried. this has helped many people who went through this ... path ... '

Me: " but we r not sure if i have cancer or not! "

Dad: " 7abeebty, going to a psychiatrist isnt a bad thing ! "

Me: "  i didnt say its a bad thing, i just dont think its necessary "

Mom :" can u just try it out for me ? .. "

Me: " fine "


anyways, that was the least of my worries, but what im "really" worried about is if my  therapy appointments r at the same time as my part-time job. yes, i signed up for "give a heart". its an amazing organization, and i need some good deeds, this is gonna be good for me ...

i finished eating lunch with my family when it was almost 3, and i was going to be late for my first day!
so, i excused myself, and i was on my way to the hospital again, it was a 5 min walk and i went on the elevator so i didnt take long...

when i reached the 9th floor, i walked out of the elevator to see walls cover with beautiful, colorful butterflies, cartoon characters, white clouds, and they even have a wall that was painted by the kids there ..

i was looking for the supervisor, or the person whos responsible for the organization ..
there was a woman that had a red shirt that said "give a heart" at the back and a name tag, all the people working there had blue shirts, so i figured she was the one.

Me: " umm, hi, i just signed up .. and i .. um .. "

- i ... didnt know what to say -

the girl : " oh hiiiii, my name is maggie, and im the supervisor here, i checked the list yesterday, u must be fay .. right ?"

Me : " yea .. "

Maggie :" so, where r u from, there r many international people here so .. "

Me : " im form kuwait "

Maggie : " oh cool! there is one member here whos kuwaiti, u should meet him! "

- him .. wait, i didnt see any kuwaiti families here  .. -

Me : "  oh "

Maggie : " so here's ur shirt, with ur name tag "

Me :" thanks :) "

Maggie : " ohh here he is ! Zyad! come meet our new member ! "

  Me : " umm no its ok "

- oh my god, this is gonna be embarrassing -

Maggie : " zyad, this is fay, fay, this is zyad "

- zyad, believe it or not looked like a typical kuwaiti guy, he looked like he was 17 or so, he had that thin but a bit muscular kuwaiti body, very tall, short brown hair , ok, he was handsome... but, his eyes, his eyes were these hazeli brown eyes, but it had something inside them, something mysterious .. -

Zyad : " hii "

- he seemed friendly, yet , he just said hii .. -

Fay : " hey " 

Maggie: " well, ill keep u guys, zyad do u mind showing fay around, sorry fay but i have a lot on my plate ;( "

- no, no  no no! dont go please !!! -

Me: " yea, its ok, ill be fine :) "

Zyad: yeah, dont worry, ill take care of her ;) "

- seriously -.- - 

Me : " :) "

Zyad :" awel mara ashoof wa7da kuwaitya ihny "

Me: " ana awel mara ashoof wa7ed kuwaiti, bes this is the second day faa ... "

Zyad : " ohh this is ur second day?  .. "

 zyad showed me around, i met most of the kids there, i tried not to get emotional, i haven't showed any the whole trip, and im not planning to show any now, the kids there were just amazing.. and thats an understatement, they entertained themselves by the smallest things, no complaining, no whining ..
i met a boy, he was 10 and his mom died the second day they new he had cancer, when he looked at me, he said a couple of word that just made me sink .. they just killed me

the 10 year old boy : " u have no idea how lucky u are "

- those words just made a huge whole inside my heart, i couldnt help myself, i didn't care if there were people here, i dont care if zyad was staring at me, i just went to a corner, and just let it all out , i let everything out,  i cried and cried .. -

Zyad : " its ok fay, its ok  ... "

- i cant belive im crying in front of a complete stranger, but in this moment part of me doesn't care -

Me: " u dont understand!! "

Zyad : " yes, i actually do "

- i looked at him, nose red, eyes filled with tears - 

Me: " how ? "

_______________________________________________________________________________

finally i got to finish chapter 7!!!!! i hope u guys enjoy it and please tell me what u think :*

>> @epiphanyblogger

>> ask.fm/epiphany88